Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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