Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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