Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize