Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it's like iHOP with fire
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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