First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
