i would punch a child for taco bell
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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