she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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