my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
