how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
