id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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