I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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