Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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