Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
