I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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