As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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