you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
