Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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