i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize