Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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