Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
