the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my liver is dry heaving
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
