He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
