apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
