So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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