I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
