Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
