we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
