2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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