i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize