mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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