capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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