I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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