Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
