4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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