so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
