I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
