NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
