john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
