He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
