dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
