We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
