so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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