Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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