My cat gives me a boner
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My ass is underappreciated
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
