I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize