put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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