i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
