Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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