Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
