Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize