dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
