I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
