FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
