She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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