direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
