I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
