omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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