Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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