We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
