i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
