Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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