I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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