Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
