Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
