there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
