I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
