I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
