Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
