Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize