I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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