Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
