I just made out with a guy for $7.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
