Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
