The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
