he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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