if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize