Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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