big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
