He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
