I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
