4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
